My whole life I've been asked for money by people on the streets. It has never ceased to upset me.

It's a very effective -and unnecessary- reminder of my country's reality. Not only does it make me sad, but it also puts me in a very uncomfortable position: weather I'm walking around or driving in my car, there's something sort of abusive about someone tapping on my shoulder or knocking on my car's window demanding for something I'm supposed to have and obliged to give. Beggars, weather they're young or old, male or female, always have this look; this look: not precisely a sad one, more like a blaming one. While it always makes me feel responsible somehow, it still delivers a clear message of full resignation.

I try to have coins near by, I always carry candy (for children) and in the mornings I usually have one or two extra bananas. But---is that better than nothing? when can it ever be enough?

Money- how much is enough? how much is too little?
Food- is that polite?
Candy- how can a piece of candy help children that should be in school but instead are forced to collect a certain amount of money by the end of the day?

There's this blind woman and her son (I suppose) that come to my window every single morning, and it is really getting me down. I feel so responsible I sometimes try to avoid the street where they usually are, just so that I don't have to be in that so very unfair position. Unfair for both parties, I guess. Whose fault is it? Should they stop asking, should I stop giving, should this go on, is this natural?

Beggars have existed ever since history can tell. That doesn't make it right. It certainly doesn't help me know how to act.

I feel so trapped in this very depressing human reality, frustateddddddddddddddd

17 is just a number, a number I don't really dislike. Well, I can't really think of any number i dislike...what really scares me is what this number, 17, represents to me as a Guatemalan.

17 is the number of people that get killed everyday in my country. 17 is the number of mothers that are going to have their hearts broken everyday. 17 is the number of families that are going to be victims of what appears to be unstoppable violence- everyday, in this country, my country, my Guatemala.

17 is much more than a number to me. it keeps multiplying. and it hurts me.

There were some technical problems in my blog this past couple of days and I couldn't post anything. I wrote this and saved it, so here it is...better late than never, right?

OK I know you read the press and don't need me to tell you about this two amazing events that took place just yesterday. It's all so complicated I can barely even express an opinion, but from my very limited comprehension of this two situations I must say I am glad.

Kosovo- this region deserves its independence. The countries that are against it, apart from Serbia (whose reasons are evident), are obviously trying to stop this event from becoming a trend. Russia is still an extremely large country, whose government has very limited real control over its population and territory; China is concerned about Taiwan; Spain is troubled with the Basque Country situation...but all those situations are completely different to Kosovo's. This independence had to have happened sooner, but I am really glad it happened at all, and support it.

Fidel- it's no secret he's old and ill, and those are not the conditions a leader of any country should be ruling on. What will happen to the "Cuban Revolution" now it's uncertain, but I am positive that it was time for Fidel to step down.

not only that i'm lucky enough to be madly in love, but also that i so deeply admire that one and only man that lives in my dreams, owns my heart and shares my future...

Cleo tiene al menos veinte años de trabajar cuidando carros en la 12 calle y 2a avenida de la zona 10 de la Ciudad de Guatemala, en frente del Géminis (donde está T.G.I.Friday's). No es originario de la ciudad, y le tocan noches duras, largas y frías la mayor parte del año. Sin embargo, nunca falta en su expresión un gesto de amabilidad, con un indiscutible toque de ternura.

El sábado pasado tuve el gusto de poder platicar con él un rato, y aunque no lo sabe, hizo mucho por mí esa noche. Y es que cuando se vive envuelta en una realidad socio-cultural como la de la Ciudad de Guate, es inevitable que la llama de la confianza, la llama del "auto-estima social" se debilite...hasta casi extinguirse. Son personas como él las que me devuelven la esperanza, son espíritus como esos los que me llenan de ganas de ser mejor y contribuir a producir los cambios que tanto necesitamos.

Le pedí que pensara en lo que quisiera pedirle a un político extranjero. Con mucho gusto, se tomó el tiempo necesario y finalmente me dio una respuesta que me cautivó; me cautivó por su humildad y por la profunda sinceridad con la que apeló a algo tan humano como el amor: la solidaridad.



La solidaridad, como el amor, es algo tan abstracto y tan mágico que hace imposible el encontrar una receta para producirla. Es algo que tiene que nacer del corazón de cada persona. De todas las personas.

i can't quite put my finger on it, but there is some sort of special air about those people who have touched me, really touched me, inside.

no matter who i end up being...no matter where i end up being it...it's like those people stay still in time. even if they have also evolved into someone else, even if age has taken notice in their smiles...they are the same to me. they still belong.

he is one of those people. he belongs to me, even if he never will. he won't. i know it, he knows it. and that's okay, it's okay because of that link that will keep us attached to each other for life. no matter what. we belong to each other, like all those special ones belong to me. they're mine.

tomorrow 14.01.08 at 14 hours, álvaro colom will officially be guatemala's president. and if all goes well, he will remain so for the next 4 years.

politics are hard to understand. they're not always about reason, nor should they be, but there is one thing i know for sure: information is a key to good governance. i hope this will be a transparent government that will bring progress and solutions to at least some of the most urgent problems that guatemalans face today.

i too, believe in the audacity of hope. it wouldn't be smart nor would it be realistic to compare álvaro colom to barak obama, but they both call to change and hope.

there are a lot of reasons why colom shouldn't be trusted. but then again, that could be said about most politicians. i don't want to make excuses for him or his known or unknown actions, but at the same time, you can't believe everything you hear. there's too much corruption and black campaigning.

i prefer to think that colom and his team will bring good things to this country. i want to believe that the next four years of government will result in progress and development for guatemala. and i also hope that, for the sake of all guatemalans, we will manage develop a more vibrant civil society that will stop waiting for the government to bring solutions to all the problems and start acting by itself, motivating the government to improve its performance at the same time.

to achieve that, guatemala needs a transparent government to provide a healthy environment that allows and calls people to participate, dialogue and cooperate.

i hope this is when it will happen. i would say it's about time...

"i don't know what he's so afraid of" "death is another stage of life, just like childhood, adolescence or motherhood..."

those were the words of a heartbroken woman trying to convince herself that the grave health condition of the love of her life was something she should accept humbly.

the man she was crying for is a man a lot of people will cry for. he's a wonderful person. i too hate to see him go through this. he loves life and doesn't want to let go. i, myself, wish he wouldn't but i can't deny that it might just be time to. he's suffering and by the looks of things he won't be able to recover. he's had an amazing life: seriously, someone could write a best-selling book about it.

it's so hard, every time, to accept it. death. but that isn't really any one's prerogative, is it?

well. you have to accept it. there is no other choice. and you can always keep your memories and learnings. nothing and no one can take that from you. i've learned and received so much from quique. he will always exist in my heart, no matter when his time comes.

i got "the book thief" as a gift. as i started reading it i realized how original the author was in the way he told the story of a german girl during world war II. it's a long book, but at the end you find yourself completely into the story, and for a second, you feel like you understand how human beings are so imperfect that they actually make sense and how tragic and beautiful the human behavior is, all at the same time. needless to say, i really liked it.

i have a new blog. i don't want to stop writing in this one, but i just can't help being annoyed by the fact that people that don't belong to the twoday.net community aren't aloud to comment on it.

i will still be here. just not as much.

CORRECTION, IT WAS MY MISTAKE

timanfaya was nice enough to explain to me how letting people comment on my blog was my choice, thank you!!! now everyone is allowed to comment, which is great!

also, timanfaya: since you obviously know much more than me about twoday.net, do you know how i could get more space? i have too many pictures i guess, and i can't upload any anymore. if there isn't a way to expand my space, then i'll just erase my galleries which aren't important really.

thanks so much!!!

xoxo

rocio

my dog is crazy